Of Awful Friends, Chores, and a Fleshy Worm
by Vitamin Z
Summary: On a scale from one to ten, where ten is the greatest day of your life and one is the day your whole clan gets slaughtered by your older brother, Sasuke’s day was running a solid 2.5.


A little bit of fun for you in the sea of angsty/smutty Sasuke stories. Enjoy!  


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Sasuke was having a bad day. Like, really bad. On a scale from one to ten, where ten is the greatest day of your life and one is the day your whole clan gets slaughtered by your older brother, Sasuke's day was running a solid 2.5. He knew exactly the two numbskulls responsible for his terrible day, too– Naruto and Sakura. Okay, so they couldn't have influenced his hot water heater to break, or his waffles to pop out of the toaster and fall behind the stove, but he could definitely blame 70% of his troubles on _them_. If Naruto hadn't been an idiot and prompted Sakura to fight with him, they wouldn't have been assigned to clean the hokage's building. _All _of the hokage's building. Lady Tsunade, lazy old hag that she was, instructed them to clean her building from top to bottom, and if anything was broken when she returned (from some gambling binge, no doubt) they'd be stuck doing her paperwork for a year. Sasuke didn't like the look in her eyes as she said that–she seemed serious.

Sakura hastily agreed to tidy up the bookshelves, and Naruto was quick to announce that he was cleaning out the gutters, leaving Sasuke to the unenviable task of mopping the floors. Being the crafty shinobi that he was, it didn't take long for Sasuke to find the broom closet. Unfortunately, getting out of the broom closet after accidentally shutting the door on himself proved to be a much more challenging task. So much for being a crafty shinobi.

Initially Sasuke _almost_ panicked when he found that the doorknob was locked firmly in place and nearly let out a scream for help, but the last thing he wanted was to have Idiot #1 and Idiot #2 laugh him all the way home for getting stuck in a broom closet and being scared over it. Thinking logically, Sasuke figured he had a few options.

1. He could pick the lock.

2. He could break down the door.

3. He could try to escape another way.

4. He could call for help. Scratch that. No. He couldn't.

Sasuke wasn't really sure why he even _considered_ the first option, since he had no idea how to pick a lock. The second option was tempting, but after testing the door against his weight, he couldn't see how to break it down without completely demolishing it–and the last thing Sasuke wanted was a year's worth of paperwork. The third option looked nice in his head, but after activating his sharingan and scanning the whole closet, it appeared to be some sort of internal room, with no other way out. As for the fourth option–let's not talk about it.

The situation was getting desperate. There was no feasible manner of escaping his new prison, where the cellmates were an elderly mop, a bucket, and a dusty broom. Maybe Sakura would need a dust rag and check the broom closet for one. Then Sasuke could act as if he had only just gone in himself, and leave with dignity intact. Or perhaps Naruto would come bounding by, and by some random chance, knock the door open with the force of his abundant enthusiasm. Sasuke would even be pleased to have Kakashi stop by and suddenly feel the need to hide in a broom closet and read some porn, only to find that his most talented student had already taken up residence there.

In the dark broom closet there was no indication of the passage of time, except Sasuke knew it was still daylight by the thin sliver of light that peeked under the heavy door. Sasuke had settled himself on top of the bucket, resigned to his fate. It could have been hours, or maybe just minutes, but every moment seemed endless as Sasuke prayed for someone to rescue him in a non-embarrassing manner.

He waited in silence for an inscrutable period of time, until Sasuke finally decided that quietly accepting this defeat was shameful. The last Uchiha stood up and tested his weight against the door again, feeling for even the slightest hint of movement. Nothing. He slid to the floor and pressed his eye as close as he could get it to the tiny gap under the door. At first the light blinded him, but as his eye slowly adjusted he could make out the floor tiles, and see the adjacent wall on the other side of the hallway. Now, how to escape?

The prospect of just breaking down the door and taking the year of paperwork was becoming more and more tempting in his desperate mind. He could say that he sensed an enemy shinobi in the closet, or that someone had left a paper bomb in there, or that Naruto had done it (that always got a laugh). Tsunade might see through that, though. He really didn't want to be the source of everyone's frustration for a whole year, though.

Sasuke found that he could fit his little finger under the door, so it stuck about an inch into the hallway, and wiggle it a little, like a small, fleshy worm trapped under the doorjamb. Suddenly, her heard footsteps. At last, his salvation! "Sakura?" he mumbled hopefully. A shrill scream ripped through the locked door.

"Naruto! Come quickly! There's a caterpillar in the door!"

From farther away, Naruto's dull voice responded, "What? A worm?"

"It talked to me, Naruto! It knew my name! Get over here and kill it!"

More footfalls echoed through the halls as the number one knucklehead ran over. "Whoa, there is a worm."

"Naruto, it's just me," said Sasuke wearily.

"WHAAAA?! Sakura, it knows my name too!"

"Quick, step on it!"

"No, hey!" cried Sasuke, realizing that he couldn't pull his pinkie out from under the door. "Hey, that's my finger…!"

Too late. Naruto stomped down on the pink little worm and elicited a cry of pain. "Sakura?"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Worms can't talk. I don't think that was a worm."

Sasuke regained his composure. "You're right, idiot. That was my finger. Now let me out of the damn closet so I can step on all of your fingers!"

Naruto tentatively tried the knob, and finally released Sasuke from his dark prison. "Whoa, what were you doing hanging out in a closet?"

Sasuke only glared at him, then stormed off, nursing his finger, which felt broken.

Naruto and Sakura just looked at each other. "Do you have any idea what just happened?"

"No, but why does Sasuke have a pet worm?"

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Thanks for reading! Reviews would be loved!


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